Peeps are green, but hell is a cafeteria

Second from right.

My dear mentor muse posted an old snapshot of three cousins in bell-bottoms. Hers were green*. But what green exactly? Taking snapshot age and yellowing into consideration, I'm thinking maybe Pantone 357.

I see her flashback outfit and raise with my own frightening outfit of that approximate era. It was a double knit polyester plaid battle jacket worn with matching skirt, white turtleneck shell, white knee-socks and green suede shoes. The battle jacket could also be worn with matching bell-bottoms with two-inch cuffs. And what green would that be??? Half-way between green Peeps chicks and Ghostbusters' Slimer green. About Pantone 361. Thank heaven I'm unable to find a grainy color snapshot of the ensemble.

Second from right.

A really sharp preschool student has difficulty distinguishing between green and orange across a range of tints, shades, and saturations. Is he color blind? When is it appropriate to test, and how is it done? 

A six year-old is being introduced to singular and plural nouns. A singular boy is working. Plural boys are picking their noses. It seems like half the class has sinusitis, again somewhere between Peeps and Slimer. When is it appropriate to test, and what Pantone is it!? Usually 373.

• Her bell-bottoms were green.
• Her pants were green.
• Her three-piece suit was green.

What about hell? You are in line at your dormitory cafeteria with your meal plan card. You have lived in the dorm for forty or fifty years, but have never made it to the cafeteria before. You don't get a tray, but walk down the line and ask for the potatoes and scrambled eggs. The lady in the hairnet serves them with her ice cream scoop onto your paper placemat. There's no way to get jelly for your toast from the giant jar. Everyone ignores your search for a chair. ALL the seats are taken. Nobody has bussed the tables in forever. There are clean tables OVER THERE, but the hairnet ladies are putting pieces of pie with whipped cream and iceberg lettuce with Ranch dressing at all the places. There are NO CHAIRS. Your paper placemat is disintegrating. Aiaiaiyerghhh!

Maybe this nightmare was caused by the fresh asparagus/potato/celery/sugar snap pea/olive/tomato/honey mustard dressing salad I whomped up last evening. Maybe it was the polyester double-knit flashback. My health class teacher warned us about this.

• She dropped one singular knife in the Welchs grape jelly jar.
• She dropped all the plural knives in the jelly jar.
• She way sticky way up past her elbow and it was a really bad nightmare.

© 2014 Nancy L. Ruder