Reptile risk management with Monty Python

Nobody expects the venomous Texas reptile.

Nobody expects the venomous Texas reptile because our governor is busy anticipating a federal military takeover of the Lone Star State.

The biggest dang snake I've ever seen outside a herpetarium was the Texas rat snake on my condo patio, going about its business eating rodents. I should have sent a lovely handwritten thank you note instead of obsessing about the snake getting into my dryer vent and eating my laundry.

Plano parks may now have laminated printouts posted suggesting prudence with regard to snakes. And that should be enough. Yes, a pretty teen was bitten by a snake in a Plano park, and we should protest and ...

• Get out there wearing appropriate footwear and enjoying our amazing parks.
• Remember you are the outsider, and respect the creatures in their environment.
• Be in awe of their natural camouflage and how perfectly they are suited to their habitat.
• Don't blame the snake.
• Worry about fracking, global warming, blue plastic bags caught in trees and fences, and black widow spiders in old-timey outhouses with Nancy Drew, Ned, Bess, and George. 
• Worry about identity theft because of a data security breach at Park'N'Fly. 
• Fret about giant mutant rodents in your dryer vent with teen sleuths.

Sweet dreams!


NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise!... Surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency! Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Our four... no... Amongst our weapons... Hmf... Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, surpr... I'll come in again.


© 2013-2015 Nancy L. Ruder