Both Sides Now

Battling with the map obsession is a new and potent theme. We will call it Both Sides Now.

I heard an NPR interview with the author of The Sympathizer, a novel about a spy in the Viet Nam war. Since I was driving around in the rain, my concentration was limited. Still, the sense of it snuck into my dreamtime.

I am a spy, a sleeper, a spook, a man of two faces. Perhaps not surprisingly, I am also a man of two minds. I am not some misunderstood mutant from a comic book or a horror movie, although some have treated me as such. I am simply able to see any issue from both sides...

Still swirling from the Dallas Opera's stunning production of "Iolanta", with its black and white design and fascinating projections of eye irises. When are we really blind? What I expected to be a silly, unbelievable story instead had the power of the darkest Grimm tales.

I am not a decider. I process events and impressions slowly. I don't jump to join the standing O, or offer instant snarky critiques. Most things are way more gray than black/white. I'm good with gray. 
Some force pulled me to check on the outdoor nature classroom this morning. Was it the heron standing in the creek? Was it the overflowing rainwater cistern? No. There it was. A beautiful, very dead, headless hawk. How big it was. How long its yellow legs! Such smooth feathers. I couldn't bear to move or photograph it. Where was its head? 

This hawk was not the victim of a predator. I've seen hawks after a battle, all feathers a-tangled. No predator just removes the head so cleanly. Unless that predator is human.


The scream stuck silent in my throat. This beautiful bird was decapitated by the wind power demonstration turbine. Its head was over by the demo solar panel with eyes wide open. I did not take these photos. I was too shocked to get my camera. 

Anyone who has known me for a long time knows I love to watch hawks. On lunch break I watch Big Red and Ezra incubating their eggs on the Cornell bird cam. And anybody who knows me knows I am all about renewable energy sources. Plus, I just love the visual experience of driving through wind farm territory in west Texas, New Mexico, and the tallgrass prairie of Kansas.

When two goods collide, it's a struggle to process. Definitely need more information, but I have sources for that. TCU has a Wind Initiative with scientists searching for ways to protect birds and bats while utilizing wind power. I'm hanging onto the promise of their research this evening.

And, just because, I'm listening to Judy Collins.

© 2013-2015 Nancy L. Ruder


Kathleen said...

Oh, dear, oh, dear. Yes, "when two goods collide," as you say. This is a tough one.

Collagemama said...

This has a slightly happy ending. The hawk was delivered to the Plano school district's Living Materials Center where it will be preserved and used as a teaching tool.