Raise minimum wage for squirrels

Midweek the squirrel that lets me live in my apartment finally managed to gnaw apart the so-called birdfeeder, making a statistically significant mess on the balcony. Or maybe while I was at work, all ninety look-alike squirrels who found the feeder worked as a team to dismantle it while the mourning doves nodded in stupifaction. The blue jays arrived like bossy foremen to yell and seize the peanuts. Sunflowers, thistle, and other seeds were sprouting in all my planters.

That's it!
I'm done!
No bird food for you!
I've had it!
The party's over, kids!

It's spring.
It's my balcony.
I need my semi-annual garden store patio flower fix.

The squirrel will figure it out, but right now she's confused. She can't find the feeder or the spilled food. She doesn't know how she'll make ends meet, feed the kids, work out the bus transportation to her job as a fast food worker. She's hanging by her toes, and then sliding downhill fast.Squirrel dads are not part of the family, unlike their representation in kiddie story books. On this Easter weekend it is fun to look at the squirrel family's manners at church.

I'm wavering on my seasonal decision to end food subsidies to birds and squirrels. And then there's the whole matter of affordable health care...


© 2013-2015 Nancy L. Ruder


seana graham said...

I had a squirrel run up my leg once. I was wearing beige pants so maybe it thought I was a tree. But the weird part was that this was INSIDE a health food store.

Still, they amuse me. I vote for continued rations until you're sure they don't need them.

Collagemama said...

That sent shivers up my spine, Seana. My worst was moths flying up my bellbottom pants.

I appreciate your vote as I'm still conflicted!

seana graham said...

I think the moths would be worse somehow. To be fair, he ran up and realizing his mistake, ran back down. Oddly, it was while I was standing there talking to the owner of the store. I think she had just been telling me that she had a rogue squirrel problem.